Child Custody Myths That Get Parents Burned
Child custody is full of myths passed around by Friends, Facebook groups, and people who “went through something similar.” We have seen the fall out from this. Good parents. Bad advice. Permanent consequences. Here are five (5) commons child custody myths that get parents turned in Tennessee courts, and why believing them can wreck your case.
Myth #1: “The Child Can Just Tell the Judge What They Want”
This belief causes more damage than almost anything else. Judges do not want children choosing between parents. They do not want kids pulled into adult conflict, and they absolutely notice when a parent is pushing that idea. In Tennessee, the Court is required to at least consider the child’s reasonable preference, if the child is twelve (12) years or older. The court may hear the preference of a younger child upon request. In either scenario, a Judge is not required to simply order what the child’s preference is. If the court suspects any pressure, even subtle, this preference may backfire fast.
Myth #2: “Equal Parenting Time Is Automatic Now”
This myth is everywhere, and it is wrong. Tennessee law does not guarantee “50/50” parenting time. There is no default schedule. There is no participation trophy. Parenting time is based on a set of factors set forth in T.C.A. §36-6-406 and T.C.A. §36-6-106. Some of the factors include, but are not limited to, the strength, nature, and stability of the parent relationship, which parent has facilitated a positive parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent, each parent’s employment schedule, evidence of abuse to the child or to the other parent, and whether a parent has failed to pay child support.
Myth #3: “The Other Parent Is Crazy. The Court Will See That”
Judges care about evidence, not necessarily what your perception is. In other words, they care about provable behavior. They care who escalates situations, sends inflammatory or argumentative messages, files necessary motions, cannot disengage, and who cannot follow a court order. The Judge won’t just “figure it out.” You have to prove it.
Myth #4: “This Is About Fairness”
Custody cases are not about fairness between parents. They are about what is in the best interest of children. A decision can feel unfair and still be legally sound.
Myth #5: “I Can Vent to Friends —The Court Will Never See It”
Screenshots have a way of surfacing. Texts, social media posts, and group chats routinely end up in a Court, often stripped of context and frame to look worse than intended. Judge do not necessarily care who the audience was. They care about what the messages shows about your judgment, emotional regulation, co-parenting ability, etc. If it is exists in written or electronic form, assume it is discoverable by the opposing party.
Final Thoughts
Custody cases do not fall apart because parents do not care. They fall apart because parents rely on assumptions that do not actually exist in real courtrooms. Tennessee judges decide child custody based on patterns, proof, and predictability, not myths, feelings, or intentions. The parents who protect their cases best are not perfect or passive. They are informed, disciplined, and careful about the choices they make before the judge ever weighs in. If you’re in a custody dispute right now, the most important move you can make may be unlearning the advice that sounds right—and learning how courts actually think.